


"Caring"

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Character Study, Drabble, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, Gen, POV First Person, a character-typical antisemitic statement, but i lurk in the fandom a lot, i haven't actually watched much of the show, i hope this is in character, i think a lot more about cartman than i should, it's a bit fucked up because of who this is, so things should be at least vaguely canonish?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25980520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cartman just doesn't get it.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	"Caring"

People are fucking weird.

“Caring” is such a waste, of time, and effort, and everything else, yet they all do it. Why? Life seems like it would be a lot harder if I made myself plan it around unimportant things like _other people_. I have it so easy- I guess it only makes sense, considering my place in the world. It’s fun to watch people “care” about each other, almost as fun as it is to see them cry, but I just don’t get how it works.

And you can’t even say I never tried it! I did, once, and what did I get for it?! I thought part of “caring” meant- eyuck- _wanting the best for that person,_ and isn’t “the best” to be more like me? After all, the world revolves around me, and to be even a shred like that should be the second-greatest honor, behind actually _being_ me! God, she’s such an ungrateful prick. They’re all ungrateful pricks.

But, of course, since I'm so smart, I’ve figured some parts of it out.

Apparently, most people “care” about their parents. I mean, I guess I’d be a bit disappointed if Mom died or some shit- she always gives me what I want, what I _deserve_ , unlike everybody else in this piece of shit town- but I wouldn’t cry over it. Apparently, though, most people do.

That’s weak. That’s lame. That’s _fucking hilarious._

I will admit, though, that the whole “feeding some douchebag their parents” shtick, like a lot of things, will probably only be funny the once. I haven’t had a need to top that, but you can bet I’ve been thinking of ways to. It’s been hard- I haven’t noticed anything people tend to care about more than their parents. 

And then there's my… well, I haven’t thought of a better word than the one everyone else uses. _Friends._ God, what a gross word. It makes me look so weak. Hell, I’m not sure why I keep them around. They don’t deserve my time- _especially_ not that living personification of everything horrible in this world. Seriously, a Jew _and_ a ginger?! BLEGH. I should have put him to death long ago!

But they’re interesting, and I don’t really like imagining what life would be like putting up with anyone’s bullshit but theirs.

That… sounds a lot closer to “caring” about them than I’d like.


End file.
